Pink Phoenix Rising – Christian Yoga Journal

By Daybreak Hopkins, Inspiritus Yoga

“And simply because the Phoenix rose from the ashes, she too will rise.
Coming back from the flames, clothed in nothing however her power, extra lovely than ever earlier than.”
~Shannen Heartzs

D-Day (Analysis Day)
It was Valentine’s Day – February 14, 2018. I keep in mind it prefer it was yesterday. I used to be in
the method of making ready for a yoga trainer coaching immersion that might start later
that day and I bought “the decision” – the decision that NOBODY ever desires to obtain EVER.
I had gone in for a routine mammogram and bought the decision that they wanted further
imaging as quickly as attainable. So, they introduced me in for a 3D mammogram the place they
found “microcalcifications” scattered all through my left breast. As a way to
decide if it was malignant, they despatched me for a stereotactic needle biopsy the place they
extracted samples within the space of concern. It was a troublesome and painful process, however a
obligatory one. I prayed and breathed by means of it, and requested God for the absolute best
final result.

My household doctor referred to as me the following day and delivered the information that I had DCIS –
Ductal Carcinoma in Situ. She inspired me that it was one of the best sort of breast most cancers
to get and that they discovered it early. She supplied me the names of some breast surgeons
to name and warranted me that I’d be nice. I keep in mind nothing after that. The truth is, her
voice turned like the phone voice in Charlie Brown. A muffled “Blah blah blah” was
all I heard. The partitions closed in as I struggled to understand what I used to be listening to. I
pulled the automotive over and prayed, breathless from the information.

To say that I used to be in shock was an understatement. My mind went down the “what if”
rabbit gap in each route. You see, my husband Bob misplaced his first spouse Sandy to
ovarian most cancers in 2013, leaving him and their two daughters behind. As I prayed, I used to be
reminded that BOTH of my grandmothers had overcome breast most cancers and had lived to be 99 and 101 years outdated. I resolved at that second that my story could be no completely different.

However, I needed to inform Bob. I used to be not afraid of the most cancers. I used to be terrified about how he and the ladies had been going to take the information. I used to be mates with Bob and Sandy on the time that she bought sick, and I remembered all too nicely how troublesome that journey had been for him and the ladies, who had been now my husband and stepdaughters.

Once I bought house, I instructed Bob the information with probably the most optimistic spin I might placed on it. God jogged my memory to inform him, “I’m not Sandy. It’s not ovarian most cancers. It’s early and it’s
treatable. I’m going to be okay. God’s bought this!”

His response was as you would possibly count on – a complete lot of tears, a wholesome dose of anger,
adopted by, “We have to pray.” I instructed my son and daughter, and he instructed his two
daughters. Everybody dealt with it okay aside from his youngest. Delaney had been
adopted by Bob and Sandy from China when she was a child. She had already misplaced two
mothers and was scared of shedding one other. I keep in mind one night time laying in mattress along with her
whereas she cried. My prognosis had triggered that reminiscence and the trauma of shedding the
mother who raised her. I vowed once more that my story could be completely different.

We started the seek for a surgeon. Our first calls had been to 2 of our mates who’re
household physicians, and each of them really helpful Dr. Hernandez. The third name was to
my good friend Diane who had been down this street simply six months prior. Her physician was
none apart from Dr. Hernandez. God revealed the trail I used to be to take, and I scheduled
an appointment with him.

I invited our good friend Wendy to hitch us at my first go to with Dr. Hernandez. She was a two-time breast most cancers survivor herself and I knew she would know what inquiries to ask. I keep in mind watching her navigate her personal most cancers journey with the power and religion of a warrior. She had additionally walked alongside Bob and Sandy by means of their journey with ovarian most cancers 5 years earlier than. I used to be so grateful she was there, asking questions and taking notes, whereas my head spun dizzy from all the info.
At our appointment, Dr. Hernandez was so caring and compassionate. He defined
that DCIS is the absolute best breast most cancers to get and that it was totally treatable.
Due to the dimensions and the dispersement sample of the DCIS, a lumpectomy wouldn’t
be an possibility for me. So I used to be taking a look at a mastectomy of the left breast and he didn’t
suppose was going to have the ability to spare my left nipple both. He additionally talked about that there
was a 30-40% probability that most cancers would ultimately seem on the fitting breast, so I
instantly opted for a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction so I wouldn’t need to
fear. Surprisingly, it was a straightforward resolution for me, and it later proved to be God-inspired
for certain. The excellent news was that if all went nicely and the pathology got here again
favorably, that surgical procedure is perhaps all that I’d require with no therapy following
surgical procedure. So we started praying for this state of affairs, together with a big group of prayer
warriors.

Quickly after my go to with Dr. Hernandez, I went to see Dr. Finkel, the reconstructive
surgeon really helpful by Dr. Hernandez who had additionally accomplished the reconstruction for my
good friend Diane. I favored her instantly. She was thorough, direct, powerful, and slightly bit
sassy. We made selections relating to the implants and she or he was assured she could be
in a position to do it concurrently my mastectomy so I wouldn’t require a second surgical procedure.
Since they didn’t suppose my nipple could possibly be spared, she shared that some folks get 3D
tattoos of a nipple and areola. Different folks put a tattoo over the world to cowl up the scar and the place the lacking nipple could be. So I began searching for breast tattoos to
cowl my former nipple space and my left breast. Extra on this later…

“Love Your Most cancers”
At first, I wished to run away and conceal. I battled with worry. I held it in, decided to not let anybody see it. I made a decision I used to be going to be a warrior and “kick most cancers’s butt.” I
vacillated in these two realms – kicking butt and operating and hiding. Combat or flight. As a yoga teacher and yoga therapist, I KNEW that my physique couldn’t correctly heal in a state of combat or flight the place I used to be at struggle with my very own physique. I additionally knew that “no matter we resist persists” – that resistance creates extra resistance. And, I knew that no matter we deal with expands and that by specializing in my most cancers, I used to be solely giving it extra energy. However, I didn’t know easy methods to finish the wrestle.

At some point, after one among my yoga lessons, an expensive good friend and one among my first yoga college students
(who’s a three-time most cancers survivor) stated to me, “Love your most cancers, Daybreak.” It was like
the heavens opened as much as ship me a message and it modified EVERYTHING.
As a result of love adjustments every little thing. I had an ah-ha second that modified me from the
inside-out and altered the way in which I felt about my most cancers. I began searching for alternatives to be grateful and the presents and blessings alongside the way in which. And let me inform you, there have been greater than I might recount right here! I began asking the most cancers what it needed to train me, understanding that ache will be one among our best academics if we enable it to be. I made a decision to like my most cancers and love myself by means of it.

Shortly after that, Bob and I had been watching the Winter Olympics and so they did slightly
again story on one of many athletes. For no matter cause, the story touched me and I
began bawling like a child. Lastly, the tears began flowing and I used to be feeling my
feelings, fairly than holding all of it in and making an attempt to be sturdy. Bob and I cried and held
one another, after which we prayed. I felt such a aid and I might lastly breathe once more.

Surgical procedure and Therapy
My surgical procedure came about on March 15, 2018 simply two days earlier than St. Patrick’s Day (which
additionally occurs to be the anniversary of my first date with Bob). My physician anticipated that the surgical procedure would take about three and a half hours. He added that upon nearer assessment of my imaging, he believed he would have the ability to spare my nipple; I used to be so joyful to listen to that information and knew God was answering my prayer! My family and friends prayed over me, and I drifted off to “sleep,” feeling at peace and assured that each one would go nicely.

My surgical procedure solely took 2 1/2 because of the talent and precision of my wonderful surgeons, my
nipple was spared, and every little thing went off with out a hitch.
After my pathology got here again, I had a follow-up appointment with my physician. He shared with me that the most cancers was not HER-2 optimistic, it was not invasive, and it
had not unfold to my lymph nodes. With out going right into a bunch of element on what that each one means, it meant that I’d not want radiation or chemotherapy. Extra solutions to
prayer! However, there was one thing else Dr. Hernandez instructed me. I keep in mind vividly that
he stated, “You’re very fortunate to have opted to do a bilateral mastectomy, younger woman.”

After receiving the pathology report, they found that I had an ADH (Atypical DuctalmHyperplasia) on the fitting breast – a precancerous situation that was prone to turn into lobular most cancers later. As he put it, “You dodged a bullet. We’d have been coping with most cancers in the fitting breast inside a yr or two.”

To say that I KNEW I used to be speculated to have the fitting breast eliminated was an
understatement. Each fiber of my being felt resolved to do the bilateral mastectomy,
and to search out out that I had a pre-cancerous situation on the fitting solely affirmed that God was watching over me and had nudged me in that route.

I went and noticed the medical oncologist upon the request of my surgeon to verify what
he suspected, and she or he agreed that no radiation or chemo could be wanted. They instructed
me that they bought it early and so they bought all of it. I’d simply have to go for follow-up check-ups each 6 months. As well as, my BRCA genetic testing had come again damaging,
which meant I wouldn’t want to fret about the potential of creating different feminine
cancers.

All through my restoration, we had been inundated with playing cards, texts, telephone calls, meals,
flowers, presents, and exhibits of help. I might tangibly really feel God’s love throughout me
by means of the love and help of household and mates…and excellent strangers alongside the
method. I totally skilled the therapeutic energy of His mighty love. I used to be additionally given the
alternative to “pay it ahead” with a number of of my mates who developed breast most cancers
after me. I wholeheartedly imagine that our distress can turn into our ministry and that
God can repurpose our ache if we enable it. And after we put our ache into service to
others, it could possibly assist carry us out of our personal circumstances. I discovered that to be one of many
lovely presents I acquired by means of my journey with breast most cancers.

The Subsequent Chapter
Following my surgical procedure, my reconstructive surgeon and my medical oncologist continued
to comply with me each six months. I went for an ultrasound after the primary six months and
every little thing seemed good. I had blood drawn each six months, and every time, every little thing
was nice. My reconstructive surgeon would take a look at my incisions and test me each six
months as nicely, and once more, no points in anyway. After a number of years of this, it simply felt like
a formality. I believed wholeheartedly that the most cancers was gone and it could by no means
return. I truthfully didn’t give it a second thought.

At my three-year go to, my reconstructive surgeon ordered an MRI. The report revealed
an space of concern within the neighborhood of my authentic most cancers and so they ordered further
imaging to research. I attempted to not fear, however my mind spun and began taking part in out
attainable eventualities.

On August 20, 2021, I went in for an ultrasound and mammogram. The ultrasound didn’t present something and the preliminary mammography didn’t both. They instructed me they might simply comply with up with me in six months. As I used to be getting dressed, the radiology tech knocked on the door and instructed me to place the robe again on as a result of they wished to take extra photos. The radiologist directed her on the place to take the pictures and so they stored at it till she discovered what she was searching for. Let me inform you that this was no straightforward feat as a result of I’ve nearly no tissue and there have been implants in the way in which. Positive sufficient, the world she was involved about revealed one thing suspicious. The radiologist confirmed me the pictures and so they seemed identical to the pictures that they had taken after I was
identified with DCIS.

I felt like I had been punched within the intestine. My first response was, “Oh crap!” She nodded
her head in compassion and understanding. She talked about that it could possibly be fatty
necrosis (surgical adjustments) or calcifications, however they couldn’t be certain with out a biopsy.
She additionally talked about that she had a “hunch” and needed to comply with it. It was troublesome to search out
as a result of it was in a “blind spot” close to the sternum, behind the implant on the chest wall.
There was little doubt in my thoughts that this was God’s intervention. The “hunch”, persevered till she discovered it – in a blindspot no much less! All of this made me notice that God was watching over me and had guided the radiologist to the precise spot the place this was hiding. She instructed me that she would get with my docs and allow them to know what was happening and they’d take it from there, however I seemingly wouldn’t hear from them till Monday.

Close to the top of the day, Dr. Hernandez referred to as me and confirmed what the radiologist
had stated. He instructed me to not fear as a result of even when it was the “worst case”, DCIS is totally
treatable and it was microscopic in measurement. Being the compassionate particular person he’s, he instructed
me he wished to name me to set my thoughts comfortable so I wouldn’t fear all weekend about
it. I met with him the next Monday and we scheduled a surgical biopsy for
September 9. He defined that he would take away the affected tissue after which have
pathology assessment it so we’d know precisely what we had been coping with.
On September 9, I had a biopsy. It was a two-part process the place I needed to go to the
breast imaging heart first to ensure that them to position a “marker” utilizing mammography to information them to the affected space so Dr. Hernandez would know the place to chop. This was
painful and complex as a result of it was so troublesome to search out. After they positioned the
“marker”, I went straight to the surgical procedure heart for them to carry out the biopsy. That was
quick and comparatively straightforward.

By the top of the following day, Dr. Hernandez referred to as me with the preliminary outcomes, once more
so I wouldn’t need to marvel all weekend lengthy. A lot to his (and my) shock, they
discovered Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC), which he referred to as a “second main most cancers”
as a result of it was new and completely different than my first prognosis of DCIS. I by no means knew that was attainable after a bilateral mastectomy, however once they spare the pores and skin and nipple (which they did with me), some tissue stays the place a recurrence or new most cancers can seem. He stated we’d know the ultimate pathology report on Monday and to simply sit tight and wait.

My coronary heart sank. My mind spun. I used to be breathless. Bob and I simply stared at one another
with out phrases. Once more? How? Why? Now what? My prayers had been emotional and erratic…and a bit indignant if I’m sincere. However the good factor is that I used to be praying… The weekend glided by SO slowly. Bob and I actually busied ourselves to cross the time and preserve our minds off of every little thing. I made calls to mates who had been by means of this, and located some consolation in understanding they had been all doing nicely. I attempted NOT to deal with the truth that my good friend Diane, who had walked me by means of my first most cancers journey, had handed away from a metastasis of this identical sort of most cancers simply two years prior. God jogged my memory that each particular person’s journey is completely different, and to carry onto hope and belief in Him.

We acquired the ultimate pathology report the next Monday as promised. Dr.
Hernandez defined that although the margins (the area between the cancerous
tissue and the wholesome tissue) had been nice, they had been recommending one other surgical procedure
to take away extra tissue on the “capsule” (the scar tissue across the implant) simply to be
protected. He additionally wanted to do a sentinel biopsy of my lymph nodes to verify the
most cancers hadn’t unfold. He additionally talked about that as a result of it was an invasive most cancers, radiation would seemingly be required following surgical procedure.

On September 21, I underwent a partial mastectomy and a sentinel biopsy. The whole lot
went easily and there have been no surprises. That Friday, Dr. Hernandez referred to as to share
the excellent news that the most cancers had NOT unfold to the lymph nodes so I wouldn’t have
to fret all weekend. Reward God! The next week, I met with all the docs on
my staff to go over the pathology report and flesh out a therapy plan.

I started radiation on November 1 which was speculated to final six weeks. Sadly, I
was identified with COVID-19 after sharing my story at a breast most cancers occasion at a church in Chandler, AZ simply 4 days into my therapy. Oh, the irony! So, I needed to take a while off. I had my final radiation therapy on December 20. I used to be so grateful to have it behind me so I might benefit from the holidays with my household and mates.
As a result of my sort of breast most cancers was estrogen and progesterone receptor optimistic
(which suggests it was fed by hormones), I used to be positioned on an aromatase inhibitor in
January of 2022, which suppresses the manufacturing of Estrogen. Quickly after, I used to be
coping with a complete host of unwanted effects that made me fairly depressing. Thankfully, my medical oncologist, Dr. Ortiz Cruz, was delicate to my issues. She put me on a
completely different drug and adjusted the dose to make me extra comfy since I must be on the sort of drug for at least 5 years. The excellent news is that I’m doing significantly better on the brand new drug AND I’m nearly two years in!

I am going for normal bloodwork and checkups with my docs and have the help of an
wonderful naturopath who has helped me with the unwanted effects of the medication. I’m doing
nicely and making an attempt to reside my finest life proper now. I attempt to take every day because it comes and discover
the teachings and blessings alongside the way in which. I simply hope and pray that this would be the finish of
my breast most cancers journey, apart from how God desires to make use of my story to assist others and
any further classes He desires to show me.

Pink Phoenix Rising
Again to the tattoo I discussed earlier. The Phoenix Rising has all the time resonated with me due to what it represents. The Phoenix is a mythological chicken that cyclically regenerates or is born once more from its personal ashes.

Related to fireplace and the solar, the Phoenix obtains new life by rising from the ashes of its earlier self. Some legends say it dies in a present of flames and combustion
earlier than being born anew, every time extra superb than its earlier self. It is usually discovered
in Christian mythology to symbolize Christ’s resurrection, magnificence from ashes, and our dying and rebirth by means of baptism in Him. Refiner’s fireplace. Magnificence from ashes. Victory over dying. Rising above our circumstances. Rebirth and regeneration. Transformation. My religion in Jesus.

Once I went by means of my first breast most cancers journey, I discovered this picture of a pink Phoenix Rising after I was searching for tattoos. The colour pink represents my journey with breast most cancers and honors my grandmothers who had been additionally victorious. I need to have one thing like this over my coronary heart (the place my breast most cancers was discovered and the place the brand new scar is positioned) as a everlasting reminder of my journey and who I need to be after I face future trials, ache, loss, or something that appears like “fireplace”. To me, it’s a reminder to thank God that I’m alive, for the wonder He has introduced from the ashes of my life, and all the “second probabilities” I’ve been given.

Greater than that, I would like it as an emblem of this new life I’ve been given by means of Christ.
The actual fact of the matter is that every of us will undergo varied types of “fireplace” throughout our lifetimes. We will select whether or not we’re going to be victims and go up in flames or to persevere and are available out the opposite facet as a stronger, wiser, extra lovely model of
ourselves. We will in actual fact embrace the dying of the “outdated self” and resurrect as a brand new
creation.

We will all select to be the Phoenix Rising. It doesn’t matter what our circumstances, we will
select to be victorious. We will enable the fireplace to refine us, rework us, and reveal our
inside essence, power, and wonder. We will search for the wonder amidst the ash –
hidden blessings, alternatives to be grateful, the small and enormous victories. We will love our “cancers,” and in loving them, we will heal. After which, we will start once more. The
alternative is ours to make. And, that alternative adjustments EVERYTHING.

Isaiah 61:1-6 (NIV)

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
as a result of the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim excellent news to the poor.
He has despatched me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and launch from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the yr of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to consolation all who mourn, and supply for individuals who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of magnificence
as an alternative of ashes,
the oil of pleasure
as an alternative of mourning,
and a garment of reward
as an alternative of a spirit of despair.
They are going to be referred to as oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the show of his splendor.
They are going to rebuild the traditional ruins
and restore the locations lengthy devastated;
they’ll renew the ruined cities
which were devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you’ll be referred to as monks of the Lord,
you’ll be named ministers of our God.”